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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25033225">past, present, warmth, and the future.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot'>Trashy_Cannot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Apex Legends (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>? - Freeform, Angst, Gen, i mean kinda, this is just BH-centric tbh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:35:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25033225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bloodhound sits down to confront certain things they've been avoiding.</p><p>A.K.A: im trying to step into the minds of characters i don't normally do that for, and i wanted to try my hand at characterizing BH.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bloodhound &amp; Makoa Gibraltar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>past, present, warmth, and the future.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>believe it or not, no, this is not part of the 31 days of apex - i wrote this a while back but i only came around to posting it now. uhhh dw, i use proper grammar in the actual fic. enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Meditation was something that Bloodhound wasn't fond of. Its concept - slowing down and living in the moment - felt foreign.</p><p>     Being a hunter, they knew that their thoughts should always remain in the future. Stalking your prey, anticipating its movement, and executing your plan required for the present to be forsaken. Granted, the past was used as a reference, but <em>only </em>as a reference. There wasn't any use in thinking about it too often.</p><p>     If they were being honest, they didn't like to think about the past too much. The past hurt. Of course, they knew that the past was too important to be forgotten easily, but the hunt kept their mind off it, and on the near future.</p><p>     Bloodhound took a look at the charm Makoa gave them. It was a temporary gift. Apparently, a motorcycle that Nik gave which Makoa used to keep himself grounded in the present.</p><p>     Taking off their mask and replacing it with their respirator, Bloodhound took a closer look at its details. The fuel tank's paint had worn off. Makoa told them that he rubbed his thumb against it to calm himself down. </p><p>     Sighing to themself, Bloodhound gave it a try. They removed a glove and rubbed their thumb against the fuel tank, shutting their eyes and breathing in.</p><p>     The darkness that came felt overwhelming at first. Thoughts of the future hunts, memories of the past, and the muddled understanding of the present flooded their mind.</p><p>     Furrowing their brows, Bloodhound ran their hand against the fuel tank and breathed in again.</p><p>     The sound of the Epicenter incident came. The frigid cold dancing across their skin and the sight of their father running flooded their mind.</p><p>     Johann’s eyes were filled with tearful willpower, but as he and his tears ran, he froze. His visage boasted tears that affixed themselves on his cheeks, his pupils barely visible beneath the ice yet fixated on one person: Bloodhound.</p><p>     The hunter shook their head and saw Artur, though he was bleeding and departing his final piece of wisdom. It didn’t take long for life to drain from his eyes.</p><p>     Shaking their head again, they felt a familiar, but long-forgotten panic settle in, and either from the fear or from the cold, Bloodhound's joints froze still as they reached for their respirator.</p><p>     Through tears that dragged down their cheeks, they forced through the cold removed a now-suffocating respirator, taking a deep breath. Bloodhound opened their eyes and blinked. Dropping the charm, they touched their cheeks and felt dampness there. </p><p>     They were...crying.</p><p>     Biting their lip, Bloodhound stared at the charm on the floor. They felt anything but grounded right now.</p><p>     "Allfather, gift me with strength." they whispered, holding the motorcycle in their hand tightly.</p><p>     Inhaling once more, they realized they were in a dark room.</p><p>     In this room were felagi fighters bathed in red - not the one of blood, but one indicative of their future fates. They were prey to be hunted, targets augmented by technology. The people in this vision didn’t feel like family - they felt the hunt. Bloodhound was not fond of this future.</p><p>     But they trusted the gods. Grounding themself with a steady reminder of the motorcycle in their hands, they found themself in a void.</p><p>     The eyes of the Allfather, red with life, stared into Bloodhound's eyes. Bloodhound reached out, only to realize this raven was larger-than-reality. The size of one feather was as long as their arm. They reached out to touch the bird.</p><p>     Feathers that Bloodhound's hands were buried in turned into shadowed fingers. Bloodhound shut their eyes, only to open them and find themself, looking back. </p><p>     Their reflection was just that - a reflection. However, they had no mask but bore the scar of the winters in their past. They smiled and pulled Bloodhound into a hug.</p><p>     The hug was warm and comforting...it felt like the embraces of their father and mother.</p><p>     Tears came with no hesitation. Those didn't feel cold anymore, they felt like hot cracks streaking against Bloodhound's cheeks which were threatening to burst with everything that had been buried.</p><p>     Bloodhound collapsed into their reflections hug, and the two fell onto their knees.</p><p>     "Forgive yourself, my child." the reflection spoke.</p><p>     "I..." Bloodhound choked out.</p><p>     "The Allfather loves you. Johann, Brigida...Artur, they all love you." the reflection paused. "Never regret the past, but love the present; furthermore, these tears should never be locked away for the distant future, Blóðhundr. Allow love - for both yourself and your felagi fighters."</p><p>     "Why are my tears warm now?" they murmured.</p><p>     A small chuckle. "You've let them become warm. The winters are cold, but you must remind yourself that warmth is your greatest gift. You are the hunter that I have sent into this world, but be kinder to yourself. Please."</p><p>     Bloodhound opened their eyes and looked down. The motorcycle was no longer worn but was damp with tears.</p><p>     A knock.</p><p>     "How did it go, bruddah?" Makoa asked, visibly concerned with his friend's current state.</p><p>     In silence, Bloodhound stood up and handed the charm back, before pulling Makoa into a tight hug. They sobbed with no hesitation.</p><p>     Strangely enough, Makoa found himself doing the same.</p><p>     "Thank you."</p><p>     "No problem."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh yeah this was entirely a thought experiment about how BH views themself as well as their relationship to other Legends, religion, their past, and the far future. i headcanoned that BH does think about the future, but not like,,,past the Apex games, if that makes sense.</p><p>Detail notes:<br/>-like i mentioned, i kinda hc that BH focuses on "the hunt" in whatever form it takes so they can avoid thinking about the past (i.e. Epicenter and Artur's death) and the future (what everything would be like as the Apex games kept going, and how BH's relationships with the other Legends would change)<br/>-I chose meditation to be the focal point of this fic because like BH, i struggle with mindfulness, remaining in the present, and not ignoring the past/future<br/>-Gibby's gift to BH was based off the motorcycle charm in-game!<br/>-In addition to that, the reason i had its use - where the person rubs a finger against the fuel tank - like it was, was because when i was younger i kinda did the same thing to a stuffed animal? not for meditation purposes, but just as a thing i did, i rubbed my thumb against its foot. weird, ik, but it is what it is.<br/>-another big focal point i used in this fic was cold and warm temperatures. everything that's hurt BH was cold - the Epicenter incident and the coolant that caused their use of a mask. however, the cold also became metaphorical, as i hc BH as unwilling to grow close to people, or forgive themself or even express tears.<br/>-The vision of the other Legends being in red like you see during BH's ult is because I imagine that BH has a fear of this detachment with the other Legends turning into something worse, like because of their detachment they would willingly become more and more willing to kill the other Legends in-game with no remorse. and BH values respect for the other Legends and doesn't wanna lose that.<br/>-I also featured the Allfather (in BH's form) so strongly because while i'm not personally religious, i was religious once, and i wanted to explore how that can help and individual through something as difficult as this. and, the Allfather did help BH realize that they had to "warm up" aka forgive themselves and learn to live in the present and not fear the future, and in the end become more willing to grow close to the other Legends.<br/>-Ofc Gibby was gonna check in, and i imagine he was surprised at a teary-eyed BH hugging him with a somehow freshly-reparied charm in their hands. Also, Gibby isn't afraid to cry, he's cool like that.</p><p>anyway, kudos, comment, share, all that cool stuff if you wanna, but i can't obligate you to! see you when i see you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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